One of the portfolios we looked at for class was by Jason Ceynar from Bonnie Sunstein's The Portfolio Standard (Heinemann, Portsmouth, NH: 2000). He wrote about always writing to impress a teacher or to sounds scholarly.
He wrote:
I can't even remember what the paper is about.
I didn't want to reread it because I was afraid
that I'd discover I was given the A unjustly.
This paper represents my tendency to value the
grade I get on a paper mroe than the content of
the paper and the learning that I achieve through
the process of writing it (227).
Wow, I totally understand what he is talking about! I think we have all started papers with a mindset of finishing, doing little revisions, and submitting asap. I know I have "held my breath" before submitting papers with last minute doubts as to its quality or purpose. But, I know that I have done this with nonacademic writing before, too.
I have kept a journal for years, ever since my first diary back in 3rd grade. Looking back at my journal entries, even from a year ago, can be surprising. Even though I don't share my journals with others, I sometimes think I sound like I'm trying to impress someone. Who would this unknown audience be? Am I concerned about writing my true feelings down because someone might find it and read it (like when I was younger and felt a need to lock my diary)? I guess age and time has made me more aware of how powerful writing can be. I can remember certain experiences better after reading journal entries--the words have meaning behind them that help me remember. Not everything I have written is gradeable, but different formats have definitely had their reasons for being important. I will continue to write, not only for scholarly purposes, but also for me so I can continue to remember where I came from.
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I love your reasoning for journaling all of these years. It's one of the best ways to really write for just yourself, no one else, and you really learn a lot about yourself in process. And as an added bonus, you have easy access to your memories. Happy journaling!
ReplyDeleteI am always in awe of people who journal, and journal consistently. I feel like it is a huge gift to give yourself- a timeline of your emotions. I always wished I had the motivation to do it-- but it would be like homework to me.
ReplyDeleteI envy people who are able to keep a journal for longer than a week at a time. I always find myself getting side-tracked and not returning to a blank page until months later. After reading this, though, I went and looked at my own journal and realized I, too, write to try to impress some unknown audience. I never noticed it before, but now I'm intrigued as to who I thought I was writing to.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand throwing writing together. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I haven't been able to really invest in my writing for classes in awhile. There is a sense of acomplishment when you turn in a paper knowing that you put everything you could into it. I want to get back in the habit of that kind of writing. I think writing, in general, can do that: it allows us to slow down. That's definitely what a journal does, even if we are writing for an unknown audience.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your post :)
I think in my case, there was always a sense of self importance in my journaling. I could never feel like I was only journaling for myself (maybe that's part of the reason I never kept one going for long). When I would journal, it was in an effort to get thoughts out of my head so I could get a sense of them in the palm of my hand, but also to leave some sort of record, as if part of my thought I would unquestionably become famous some day and my childhood thoughts would become academic fodder.
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